Making this pre-Christmas period as stress free as possible

A short while ago I was interviewed by a women’s wellbeing website about my thoughts on some typical issues that women encounter daily and why I think that is.

It lead me to come up with this blog of tips and insights which I hope you will find useful, as we move into what can be one of the most stressful and busiest times of the year.

Why do women struggle to say no to invitations or requests? Why is this a problem for us?

It lies in the very nature of women and our sense of care for others. We often put others first because we want to help, support, be there for others. When we start to give relentlessly without listening to our own wishes and needs for support and care it can become a problem. Caring and responding to requests from others can then feel exhausting, draining and not enjoyable anymore. It becomes too one-way.

Tip 1: To keep a balance we need to give and allow ourselves to receive from others at the same time. So be aware of how much you give. Before you say ‘yes’ to something, step back, pause for a moment, and ask yourself whether or not you have the time, energy and head space to make a commitment.

Is it best to make up an excuse when saying ‘no’?

I’m a great believer in honesty. We often underestimate others in that we think they wouldn’t understand why we say ‘no’ to an invitation. But more often than not people do understand our reasons as they resonate with their own feelings and needs.

Tip 2: A good technique for saying ‘no’ is to say honestly what is going on for you, eg: ‘Thank you very much for inviting me to your party’, or Thank you very much for asking me to help you with this. That’s really nice.’ Then you say what you feel and what you need eg: ‘I have two very busy weeks behind me with very little time to myself. I feel exhausted and need the weekend to catch up with things at home and take a rest.’

Taking responsibility for  and ownership of your feelings and needs allows others to understand you and it helps them not take it personally when you say ‘no’.

How can we tell when our social and work life has gone out of balance? What is too much for most of us?

The balance goes when work has taken over, when there is hardly any space for ‘me-time’ or friends and family in our life. As women, we have a natural tendency to care and give a lot, we need some time to ourselves to recharge our batteries.

Tip 3: Make sure you work within your hours. If you tend to do overtime, ask yourself why that is? Could you manage your time and priorities better? Could you say ‘no’ more often to your boss and/or colleagues? Do you need to review your overall workload? Ensure that you make time for some social life like spending quality time with friends and family, and some ‘me-time’ at home for rest and reflection.

I have a habit of saying ‘yes’ too soon, what should I do?

Look at your calendar before saying ‘yes’ and sleep over it one or two nights if you can. That’s my strategy and it works very well. It’s often easy to say ‘yes’ when the event is still miles away but when our weeks fill up with business as usual or other commitments, it can start to get tricky to fit everything in.

Tip 4: Think about what a typical week in your life looks like and whether it is realistic to fit something else in.

Depending on when the event takes place, you can sometimes even leave the decision for a week and come back to it. I would suggest you pencil the event into your diary and make a note on the day when you want to decide whether or not you want to go. This is a good way of gaining some time to make a more informed decision about how you want to spend your time.

During busy periods, what could we include in each day to help us stay relaxed?

Tip 5: Enough sleep, healthy diet and plenty of water are crucial to staying resourceful and alert. Make sure you eat regularly and have a balanced diet which includes fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds and plenty of water.

Tip 6: Taking some exercise is important too, e.g. some yoga, Pilates, a run in the morning or walking part of your journey to work can also be beneficial or getting some fresh air or a change in scenery at lunch time.

Tip 7: Spending time in green space is hugely beneficial. Perhaps there are some green spaces on your way to work or around work where you can spend some time relaxing and processing all the things that are going on.

Tip 8: Introducing a 3-minute ‘breathing space’ can be very powerful and helpful too. It’s simple but highly effective for your health and well-being. Here’s how:

Ideally, sit in a chair with your feet flat on the ground and close your eyes. If that’s not possible don’t worry, you can do this in lots of ways- while waiting for the kettle to boil, on the commute to work etc.

First check in with yourself and ask yourself: How am I doing right now? Then follow your breath for a few cycles. Simply notice the physical movements and sensations.

When you are ready you can re-engage with the day feeling refreshed. You can do this exercise several times a day.

What are some strategies for ensuring we enjoy the busy party season…

For me the motto ‘everything in moderation’ really works.

Tip 9: Be clear about how many parties and events you’d like to go to and how much time you need at home or with close friends, your partner, husband or family. Partying and spending quality time with ourselves, loved ones and friends have different benefits for us. So make sure you get a good balance of all of them.

Tip 10: It’s also worth making a commitment to yourself around how much you sleep and drink. How late do you want to get home? How many drinks do you want to have? How much enjoyment while still feeling fit and healthy do you want to have? Those are some of the questions you can ask yourself.

Enjoy the pre Christmas season!