Got the wrong end of the stick about life coaching?

It’s not unusual.

In fact, a few months ago, I was delighted to finally meet Ellie Good, Editor and Founder of EggMag - ‘the online magazine that takes greener living ideas to the heart of the UK’s popular culture. It’s ethical living, without living less. It’s conscientious consuming served with a big dollop of style.’ I couldn’t agree more with this description and just love the ezine.

It took a few gentle nudges to persuade Ellie to try my approach to life coaching. Her reservations, like others before her, were largely based on not really understanding how life coaching worked. Fortunately, curiosity won out!

“When I was approached by Karen, I was immediately a little sceptical. ‘I don’t need my life sorting! Isn’t life coaching like counselling? Surely that’s for people who don’t know what they want!’ I defensively thought. But the more I mulled it over, the more (secretly) appealing the idea became – especially when I learned that Karen’s unusual way of working is to take her clients for a stroll in the park.” Ellie Good

We met for a taster session at the start of spring in London’s Regents Park.

As I do with all my clients, I introduced how I work and asked Ellie which issue she would like to explore during our session. Like many of the clients I see today, Ellie wanted to explore the issues of managing stress and work loads. In our time pressurized lives, we often neglect to make essential time for ourselves and our needs, or indeed, time to redefine what these needs and desires are.

“I had chosen a topic I thought was a relatively surface issue (managing stress and work loads). Karen asked me to explain the problem in-depth and then asked what I wished to change about it. The more I spoke, the more I became aware that the stresses and strains I feel are little to do with time management, but are triggered by the pressure I put on myself: my personal expectations, and what I have come to understand as being the working ‘norm’ among other things – which all stem back years.” Ellie Good

What I enjoy most in my coaching work – indoors or outdoors – is to see people change, when they grow taller in themselves, when their eyes start to shine, when things become unstuck, when life starts to move again, when breakthroughs and shifts start happening – however small – insights gained, new plans made…. My aim is not to change people but to offer them a safe and confidential space where change can take place.

I’m here to offer you my curiosity and interest in your best thinking.

I’ll leave you with this food for thought from Ellie. Read more about Ellie’s experience in her blog: Give your life a breath of fresh air.

“It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat race, the daily grind, the day-to-day routine, that we forget to do a bit of soul-nurturing. We may make time for the odd massage or weekly drink with friends, but ask yourself, how much time do you actually spend thinking about how to make your life better, rather than just giving yourself a chance to ignore it: a quick release or pat on the back before everything inevitably returns to how it was the day before? The answer, if you’re anything like me, is not very much.”

Warm wishes,

Karen

Part two ….

A few weeks ago I shared some tips on how to maintain a balanced week by introducing some very simple things into your every day.

I always find it amazing how such small things can make such a profound difference – with the added benefit of allowing us to get to know ourselves better – increase our self awareness. So in the second part of my blog you’ll find some more of these ideas.

At the weekend, spend some time reflecting on how your week has gone.

Monday: Spend 10 minutes (when commuting to work, getting reading in the morning) reflecting on your intentions for this week. How do you want to be? For example; focused, an attentive and present listener, kind, rested…?

Tuesday: Over breakfast or on your way to work, think about one kind deed that you could do today.

Invite a colleague, a friend, your partner for a drink; cook a meal for your partner; phone a friend and tell them how much you value them; help a neighbour; take someone’s shopping home; buy a bunch of flowers for someone you care about; smile at someone you normally don’t smile at and see what happens…

Wednesday: Get yourself a journal and write down the best bits of the week so far.

It might be an inspiring conversation you’ve had with a colleague at work, memories of a kind exchange with a stranger, someone smiled at you, a quality lunch break, a restful evening and sleep,  someone telling you how much they appreciate you…

Thursday: This is a good day to check-in with your self and your needs.

Do you really want to go out another night or do you need to spend some time at home to recharge your batteries? What is it that you really need today?

Friday: Why not do something different, fun, playful or creative this weekend? Something that you wouldn’t normally do, for example attend a fitness class, go swimming, take a long walk, get your paint kit out, bake a cake, take a nap, try out a new recipe, go charity shopping and be surprised….

Please share your experience. Email me.

Warmest regards

Karen

Part one….

However well intentioned we might be about seizing the fresh energy which comes with the start of a new week, it’s very easy to slip into familiar routines, habits and for little to change.

For many of us, this can leave us feeling stuck in a rut and dissatisfied with the lack of balance in the different areas of our lives which we value (see ‘Is Your Life in Balance blog) and low.

So, its the start of the week, and I thought I’d share with you some daily tips for Monday through to Friday to help you achieve a more balanced week.

At the weekend, spend some time reflecting on how your week has gone. Share your experience. Email me.

Monday: Spend 10-15 mins on Monday morning (or Sunday evening) to plan a balanced week. Ask yourself the question: in order that I feel both balanced and resourceful, what matters most to me this week? Work, sleep, partner, family, social events, me-time, exercise…? A combination of all or some? Make a note and refer back to this at the end of the week. Notice how you feel.

Tuesday: Three tips to practice mindfulness during your day

Many of us spend much of our time focused either on the past or on the future, paying very little attention to what is happening in the present, this means that for much of the time we may be unaware of much of our experience. (See previous blog for more tips).

1. Take quality time to have at least one meal without talking or reading; just enjoying your food.

2. Go for a 15 mins walk or longer in your lunch break, ideally on your own and feel your feet on the ground while walking.

3. Do one kind act to someone, such as open the door for someone, send a dear friend a card, make a cup of tea for a colleague.

Wednesday: Staying grounded throughout your week: breathing spaces can help

Here is how it works:

How many moments pass you by without your noticing? To increase more moments of presence in your daily life, you can introduce 3-minute ‘breathing spaces’  - while sitting on the tube, at your desk or standing in a queue in a shop.

• Sit or stand comfortably with your feet flat on the ground and close your eyes if you can.
• Notice how you are doing physically, emotionally, mentally. Just noticing, not judging.
• Follow your breath for a few cycles; simply noticing the physical movement and sensations.
• When you are ready, open your eyes and continue the day refreshed.

Thursday: Making choices about your weekend and how to spend your time

Today you can start asking yourself: how do I want to spend my time on Saturday and Sunday? What are my needs around me-time, social time and time spent with family, a partner or a close friend? What will help me most to replenish my body and soul?

Friday: Consider spending Friday evening at home. It’s a perfect evening to create some me-time, time to restore, to recover, to recharge. It’a great way of ensuring you begin your weekend rested and make the most of Saturday and Sunday. Try cooking a nice meal, relaxing in a bath, watching a film etc.

Trying some or a all of these tips week to week will help you to feel more fulfilled and in tune with your own needs.

It works for me! Let me know how you get on!

Warm wishes,

Karen

including singing in harmony with nature

I’m always looking to find ways in which to enable more people to experience the benefits of life coaching and to experience the wonderful impact nature and green space has on our well being.

Over the next few months, I will be offering a number of different events, all of which have one thing in common:  they offer you the opportunity to spend quality time in green space to ground yourselves, to create inner space for self-reflection and to step back a bit from daily life to take a bigger picture view of where you are now and where you’d like to go.

Upcoming Green Space Coaching Events

Singing in Harmony with Nature Saturday 31 March in London’s Victoria Park. Nearest Tube Mile End.

Experience the joy of singing outdoors in nature. Learn and share some fantastic songs from around the world in a 90 minute group workshop in Victoria Park. All welcome, and no singing experience needed. The workshop will include some relaxation exercises to help us tune into the beautiful green space of Victoria Park, leaving us share some easy, uplifting songs to celebrate each other and nature.

£10/8 concessions. To book a place email me.

Spring Nature Connection Walk

Following a wonderful Winter Season Walk in Boxhill, the Spring Season Walk will take place in Haslemere, Surrey on Sunday 1 April. Please email me for more information and to book your place.

Nature Connection Workshop

Sunday 13 May, in Chingford near Epping Forest.

If you’d like to find out more about these events or would like to take up a free 30-mins 1:1 outdoor taster coaching session in Victoria Park (East London) or via phone or Skype, please email me or give me a call 07815 591 279

I’m always really keen to tell clients that coaching sessions are something to look forward to, something to enjoy – that they are an important investment in yourself.

And so it was for me…

I turned to a life coach because I was very unhappy in my job and on the verge of a burn-out. My job wasn’t making any sense any more.

At first I wasn’t sure who to turn to – a coach, a therapist or a counsellor – but as I looked into coaching further, I decided to try out life coaching.

I’ve since discovered this analogy – which sums up why I turned to a coach:

Coaching can be compared to architecture. You are in the place in your life where you are ready to move forward. A coach will draw from your wisdom and insight to begin drafting the “blueprints” for your future. With your coach you process issues, tap into dreams and passions, set goals, gain momentum where you feel stuck and create the framework for the design of your life.

Counselling can be compared to archaeology. A counsellor is helping you look back, “digging” to see how you got here and where you are wounded. The counsellor works with you to bring understanding and healing from your past as you grasp and deal with your present.

I love how practical life coaching is and how success is measured by results.

As your coach I will help you set goals and actions towards your goals. And I will support and encourage you to go after them in a structured and realistic way.

As your coach I deal with your life in all its dimensions, personal and professional life, health and relationships.

This can be around for example, finding better work-life balance – this often involves getting clear about your priorities and what really matters to you; how you want to spend your time and with who. Dealing with stress and feeling unsettled, career change and bringing meaning into your work and life, overcoming procrastination and making the first step towards doing what you really want to do. The list is endless.

Here are some key benefits of coaching:

• Quality 1:1 support and guidance
• A safe, confidential and unbiased space to think and talk, grow and develop
• A neutral space to work through challenging and difficult issues
• The opportunity to make long-term sustainable change in your life to achieve your goals
• Quality and enjoyable me-time
• Professional expertise and skills from your coach
• Uninterrupted listening
• Questions that can help you unlock your potential, ignite your best thinking
• Practical exercises to support you in seeing multiple perspectives and generating new ideas
• Help to draw up an action plan at the end of each session that is manageable and at the same time stretches you to do new and different things

Clients who take up between 4-6 sessions generally get the best results and long-lasting change. Often clients feel much better after the first session, then change can be slower while working through some of the more difficult issues – it can feel as though nothing much is happening but after one or two more sessions the shift and change often happens.

After this turning point, it’s a matter of consolidating the change you’ve made, creating all the right conditions to make the change long-lasting and sustainable, as change never happens in isolation but in relation to our environment and the people in our life.

It is a bit like going to the gym. We only get fit after sustained exercise over a few regular sessions. Although nothing much seems to be happening in the beginning, our bodies are adapting without us noticing. Change takes time but it can happen and does happen.

All it takes is commitment to yourself, a healthy belief that change is possible and patience.

Warm wishes, Karen

It’s often said that stress is actually good for us but it’s important not to confuse stress with stimulation

Keeping active, mentally and physically is absolutely essential for good health. But a prolonged states of stress can leave us feel drained and little alive.

So, what is stress? We talk more about stress than we talk about happiness and we feel stressed more often than happy, calm and relaxed. So what’s going on?!

As primitive beings, we lived outdoors, in nature. We needed to protect ourselves from all sorts of dangers, in particular wild animals. Our bodies are built to deal with heightened states when there is real danger, risk or crisis. That’s when adrenaline is pumped around our body, helping us to react fast to whatever is happening to us. But we’re built to deal with this only occasionally.

When we spend most of our life in a state of heightened alertness or stress however, with adrenaline pumping around our bodies all the time, our hormone balance becomes disrupted and cannot return to its normal state even when, for example, at the weekend our stress level drops. We then find it hard to wind down and to ground ourselves. We enter a vicious circle that is very difficult to break.

To find relief and to make matters worse we lean towards a cup of coffee, a glass of wine in the evening, chocolate and comfort food which increases our blood sugar and as a result we’re left feeling permanently tired, bad tempered, depressed, jumpy, restless, we may suffer from insomnia too.

Stress First Aid kit:

There are many things we can do to help us relax and to calm down; to live a more balanced life. Here are some that I have found useful and that work:

• Notice when something is causing you stress
  The fact you recognise when something is causing stress is the beginning of changing it. Look for symptoms in your body, such as tensing in your belly and shoulders, frustration, irritability, compulsive thinking.
• Catch it early
  Stress reactions can speed up and fire off very quickly. The longer they go on, the more difficult they are to work with.
• Do something!
  This may mean you need to stop what you are doing and do something else – stop shouting, stop working on your computer, stop getting up at night when you lie in bed feeling anxious. Bring your mind into your body, notice your feet, legs and belly and take a few deeper breaths. This is an immediate antidote for anxiety and tension.
• Doing less and allowing more me-time/time at home
  I have an intention for this year to have more weeks with two or more evenings at home to rest and relax, to potter around the house, to eat well, to connect and catch up with friends and family… I’ve already managed the first two weeks this year to spend three evenings at home which has felt restorative, grounding and energising.

• Getting enough sleep and taking naps when possible
  Contrary to our conditioning that says that the more we work the better, it’s absolutely okay to take a nap or rest even if it’s only for half an hour. The body can recover and recharge its batteries quicker than we think. Often the result is we are much more productive and focused.
• Fresh air and moments in natural green spaces
  Take regular walks in your local park or countryside or go on a cycle ride. Half an hour daily or a few times a week can make all the difference. You could try to incorporate a short walk into your lunch break or start walking all or part of your way to work.
• Healthy eating and drinking

• All fruits, particularly berries
• All vegetables, particularly celery, asparagus, cucumber, cabbage and garlic, brown rice and corn or rice pasta
• If you eat meat and fish: white meat and fish
• Pulses
• Two big helpings of sprouts a day – this is my new discovery which makes me very energized and happy
  Sprouts are a wonderful source of energy and so deliciously fresh on their own or in salads and other food. You can buy sprouts in health food shops or grow them yourself which is very easy and rewarding. Here is the book that I read and that got me into delightful sprouting mania. Sprouting by Deborah Fowler.
• Lots of water and herbal teas – I always have a water bottle on my desk to remind me
• Moderate caffeine and alcohol consumption

Let me know how you get on. Did you find this blog useful? I’d love to have your feedback. Write a message on my Facebook wall or write a comment below.

Warm wishes, Karen

Making this pre-Christmas period as stress free as possible

A short while ago I was interviewed by a women’s wellbeing website about my thoughts on some typical issues that women encounter daily and why I think that is.

It lead me to come up with this blog of tips and insights which I hope you will find useful, as we move into what can be one of the most stressful and busiest times of the year.

Why do women struggle to say no to invitations or requests? Why is this a problem for us?

It lies in the very nature of women and our sense of care for others. We often put others first because we want to help, support, be there for others. When we start to give relentlessly without listening to our own wishes and needs for support and care it can become a problem. Caring and responding to requests from others can then feel exhausting, draining and not enjoyable anymore. It becomes too one-way.

Tip 1: To keep a balance we need to give and allow ourselves to receive from others at the same time. So be aware of how much you give. Before you say ‘yes’ to something, step back, pause for a moment, and ask yourself whether or not you have the time, energy and head space to make a commitment.

Is it best to make up an excuse when saying ‘no’?

I’m a great believer in honesty. We often underestimate others in that we think they wouldn’t understand why we say ‘no’ to an invitation. But more often than not people do understand our reasons as they resonate with their own feelings and needs.

Tip 2: A good technique for saying ‘no’ is to say honestly what is going on for you, eg: ‘Thank you very much for inviting me to your party’, or Thank you very much for asking me to help you with this. That’s really nice.’ Then you say what you feel and what you need eg: ‘I have two very busy weeks behind me with very little time to myself. I feel exhausted and need the weekend to catch up with things at home and take a rest.’

Taking responsibility for  and ownership of your feelings and needs allows others to understand you and it helps them not take it personally when you say ‘no’.

How can we tell when our social and work life has gone out of balance? What is too much for most of us?

The balance goes when work has taken over, when there is hardly any space for ‘me-time’ or friends and family in our life. As women, we have a natural tendency to care and give a lot, we need some time to ourselves to recharge our batteries.

Tip 3: Make sure you work within your hours. If you tend to do overtime, ask yourself why that is? Could you manage your time and priorities better? Could you say ‘no’ more often to your boss and/or colleagues? Do you need to review your overall workload? Ensure that you make time for some social life like spending quality time with friends and family, and some ‘me-time’ at home for rest and reflection.

I have a habit of saying ‘yes’ too soon, what should I do?

Look at your calendar before saying ‘yes’ and sleep over it one or two nights if you can. That’s my strategy and it works very well. It’s often easy to say ‘yes’ when the event is still miles away but when our weeks fill up with business as usual or other commitments, it can start to get tricky to fit everything in.

Tip 4: Think about what a typical week in your life looks like and whether it is realistic to fit something else in.

Depending on when the event takes place, you can sometimes even leave the decision for a week and come back to it. I would suggest you pencil the event into your diary and make a note on the day when you want to decide whether or not you want to go. This is a good way of gaining some time to make a more informed decision about how you want to spend your time.

During busy periods, what could we include in each day to help us stay relaxed?

Tip 5: Enough sleep, healthy diet and plenty of water are crucial to staying resourceful and alert. Make sure you eat regularly and have a balanced diet which includes fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds and plenty of water.

Tip 6: Taking some exercise is important too, e.g. some yoga, Pilates, a run in the morning or walking part of your journey to work can also be beneficial or getting some fresh air or a change in scenery at lunch time.

Tip 7: Spending time in green space is hugely beneficial. Perhaps there are some green spaces on your way to work or around work where you can spend some time relaxing and processing all the things that are going on.

Tip 8: Introducing a 3-minute ‘breathing space’ can be very powerful and helpful too. It’s simple but highly effective for your health and well-being. Here’s how:

Ideally, sit in a chair with your feet flat on the ground and close your eyes. If that’s not possible don’t worry, you can do this in lots of ways- while waiting for the kettle to boil, on the commute to work etc.

First check in with yourself and ask yourself: How am I doing right now? Then follow your breath for a few cycles. Simply notice the physical movements and sensations.

When you are ready you can re-engage with the day feeling refreshed. You can do this exercise several times a day.

What are some strategies for ensuring we enjoy the busy party season…

For me the motto ‘everything in moderation’ really works.

Tip 9: Be clear about how many parties and events you’d like to go to and how much time you need at home or with close friends, your partner, husband or family. Partying and spending quality time with ourselves, loved ones and friends have different benefits for us. So make sure you get a good balance of all of them.

Tip 10: It’s also worth making a commitment to yourself around how much you sleep and drink. How late do you want to get home? How many drinks do you want to have? How much enjoyment while still feeling fit and healthy do you want to have? Those are some of the questions you can ask yourself.

Enjoy the pre Christmas season!

There are many choices in a day and we are only conscious of some of them

We make choices all day long, consciously and unconsciously. We start the day and make choices about what to do first, second, third etc. It starts in the morning with choosing what to wear or what to have for breakfast. The evening approaches and we make choices about going home, going out for dinner with a friend or doing some exercise.

I call the very moment where we make a choice the choice point. It’s the point where we stop and make a decision, big or small, about what to do or say next.

There are many choice points in a day and we are only conscious of some of them. Most of them are part of our daily routine and so we are not aware of every choice point. This is good news as we wouldn’t move on with things very fast otherwise!

However, as creatures of habit we easily go into autopilot when going about our daily business. A good amount of important or crucial choice or decision points where we could change course and as a result make a difference in what we do, achieve or say, pass us by.

In my own experience, becoming more aware of important choice points in my daily life has allowed me to do more of the things I really want to do rather than feeling swept away by life.

Crucial choice points for me are the moments when I make a decision about how I spend my evening or weekend. When a colleague or friend asks me to come out for a drink or dinner after work, I take a few seconds before I make a choice rather than saying ‘yes’ immediately and then regretting spending the evening in the pub. Before I reply I quickly check in on my needs. By needs I mean for example my need for rest, my need for ‘me-time’ or my need for social time.

By taking a moment to check in with ourselves about what we really want and how we want to spend our time allows us to make more informed choices; choices that are informed and driven by our needs rather than by what other people want us to do or what we think life demands of us.

Making informed choices allows us to feel more in control of our life and helps us feel more satisfied and happy altogether.

How to become more aware of choice points:

Practice every day and start small.

Become more aware of choice points in your day. When for example, you have finished a task and have to decide what to do next; or when a colleague or friend asks you out in the evening or weekend; or when you could go home or to the gym; or whether to eat a biscuit or a healthy snack. These are typical choice points.

Pause, take a few seconds and ask yourself: what do I need right now and what do I really want to do?

As always, I’m curious about how you are getting on. Get in touch.

See my blog ‘Always too much to do’ for more tips on managing your time better.

Some reflections on the colour green….

Last week I went for a walk in the park with a close friend. We were walking and chatting and all of a sudden she looked around, took a deep breath, released a big sigh and then stopped and said:

“Green is doing me so much good! When I get out of London, and I am surrounded by green, or even when I just go to a park like now, I am always taken back by the incredible calm that my brain suddenly feels. It’s like something has been lifted away from it. My eyes open wider and there isn’t so much ‘noise’ in my head. It’s a really lovely feeling.” Jo Finburgh, Fundraising Manager

What Jo said made me very happy, for she was speaking my heart and mind. It is this realisation which I hope I will share with my clients through offering life coaching in green space and through my work on how to connect and bring nature into our daily lives. Indeed, when I work with clients outdoors they often have a similar reaction to Jo. At the beginning or during a session they might stop and release a big sigh of relief, rest and feel calmer.

I also found that what my friend said had begun to make me curious about the colour green and it’s healing and soothing effect on us. So I did a bit of research around the colour green which I thought I’d share it with you.

The Colour Green

- Green occupies more space in the spectrum visible to the human eye than most colours, and is second only to blue as a favourite colour.

- The natural greens, from forest to lime, are seen as tranquil and refreshing, with a natural balance of cool and warm (blue and yellow) undertones.

- Green is considered the colour of life, nature, peace, health and growth.

- The colour green affects us physically and psychologically. It soothes and relaxes us mentally, as well as physically, helping alleviate depression, nervousness, stress and anxiety and offering a sense of renewal, self-control and harmony.

- Green is also the colour of the Heart Chakra, one of our energy centres. This Chakra is located at the centre of the chest area and is linked to the heart, lungs, circulatory system, cardiac plexus, and the complete chest area. The Heart Chakra bridges the gap between the physical and spiritual worlds. Opening the Heart Chakra allows a person to love more, empathize, and feel compassion.

All of this confirms the experience I’ve had all my life with green. That spending time in nature, surrounded by green space, increases my well-being, my degree of happiness and my outlook on life. When I’m out and about I have a wonderful sense of: ‘Yes, all is well and all will be well!’

What is your experience? Share a comment or email me…..

Source: www.about.com Psychology: The ABC’s of Chakra Therapy by Deedre Dieme